The Marriage Sermon
As I sat there listening to the pastor’s sermon on submission, I noticed how similar it was to the sermons I had heard before. The ones preached at weddings. The latest is the one I heard a year ago.
A year ago, I attended a wedding and as usual, the pastor was advising the couple on their marital obligations. She started by advising the husband to care for his wife and this only lasted for about twenty minutes, then she moved on to the wife. Surprisingly, this lasted longer. For more than an hour, she talked about a woman’s duty in marriage and the all popular topic of submission.
After listening to so many similar sermons, it will not be out of place to think that the longevity of marriage lies on the woman’s ability to submit, and not on the man’s ability to lead. Forgetting that leadership is a prerequisite for submission.
If a wife is constantly worried about her husband’s ability to make decisions, how then can she hold herself back from questioning his ideas?
If the only time she can be vulnerable is with her friends, how then will she be able to trust that her lovely husband has her best interest at heart?
If on several occasions a man has exposed his wife to the den of treacherous in-laws, how will she know that his invitation to the sitting room is not a trap?
If too many times, a wife has had to protect and provide for the family, why would she stand behind and not in front of the man when another battle arises?
It is quite common to hear that a home is held together by the woman, and it is also commonly said, that for a smart woman to get married she must assume the role of a fool.
If men are being absolved of their responsibilities, why are women being held accountable?
Blind followership is detrimental not just to the family unit, but to the society at large.
Leadership is a role that should be conferred on the most honourable of men. Disappointingly, it is given to the men with the sweetest tongue –on the promises of hope, growth and freedom. And when such men fail, their followers are held responsible.
Submission means surrendering to leadership. The leader must protect by being reliable, accountable and astute. In a society like ours that places the man as the leader while also encouraging the emasculation of men and the masculinisation of women, placing the role of submission on the woman seems rather unfair.
It is ironic to tell women to be more like men while also telling them to submit to men. It is also unreasonable to absolve men of their responsibilities while encouraging them to demand submission. It is therefore no surprise that wives walk around with their heads bent towards their chest; wherein lies their resentful hearts.
Accountability is for all, regardless of marital position, age, social class, and dare I say, religious position.
Not to downplay the progress society has made, but it seems only those who seem powerless are held accountable. In this case, it is the woman who was lucky enough to be “chosen by a man”.
After listening to the same sermon for the fifth time by five different people, I could now see how the destruction of society can easily be propagated by even the learned.
A union should be built on honesty, transparency and equality (as defined by the couple). The family unit is the mitochondria of society and if on the basic level the principles are flawed, the fate of society is doomed.
If submission must be taught, leadership should likewise be taught.
Good leaders will always enjoy the benefits of submission.
It is therefore not unreasonable to think that the refusal of wives to submit is not the primary cause of chaos in a marriage, it is the murkiness of the family dynamic. It is a common mistake to advise people to follow a particular path, to follow a manual that did not take into consideration the uniqueness of each human being and their situation.
As the sermon ended, I could not help but wonder if the newly wedded couple would have the courage to make their own rules, create their own path and decide on what the dynamics of their marriage would be.
